an equation for life
By the time you read this, Marcus, Alex, and I will be in Boulder, Colorado, getting Alex settled in for her final year of university. It’s kind of bananas that we’re already here: while transferring universities means that Alex likely won’t graduate in May, she’s certainly scheduled to receive her diploma in 2026. We’re in the final stretch, my friends.
Naturally, over the summer, the three of us have had conversations about what Alex might want to do after she graduates, and the truth is that her future is wide open. She’s currently considering everything from grad school to getting a job to spending a year doing volunteer work. It’s a pretty thrilling time, and her dad and I couldn’t be more excited for her.
There’s something about your 21-year-old being on the cusp of beginning her adult life in earnest that makes you take stock of your own life and experience. And as Alex talked through the possibilities with us, I reminded her of some advice I’d given her in the past, and then gave her one more piece of advice for the future.
The first bit of life advice I gave her — which I imagine most parents give their kids — was in elementary school: work hard. I remember telling her that what was more important than being first in her class or being the best on a team was being the person who tried her absolute best. That being someone who strived, even if she felt short, would be more respected than the person who never tried, even if they got lucky.
The second bit of advice that I gave her was in middle school: be kind. And I was clear that I wasn’t just talking about being kind to her friends, but also to everyone: that just like she considered her friends’ feelings and situations, she should be aware that her teachers were working hard at their very difficult jobs and deserved her kindness; also, the kids in the grades below hers were struggling with all the challenges that she’d navigated when she was coming up, so they deserved her kindess as well. I reminded her that there were folks that she would meet every day — both in and out of school — who were also worthy of her kindness. But I also told her that kindness was different from being nice: being kind wasn’t about being a doormat, and was more powerful than being nice: that it’s possible, maybe even imperative, that being kind also includes being rooted in your values, and holding strong boundaries. And I told her that ultimately, work hard + be kind is a really powerful equation — that people who witnessed her doing both would champion her, and root for her success.
This summer, I added a final piece of advice: be strategic. I reminded her that everything she’s accomplished in her life — from her years-long experience working at a summer camp, to attending one of the best art schools in the country, to working as a graphic design intern, to now being a strategic communications major and media studies minor, to ten years of playing the guitar — has given her many arrows for her quiver. And I emphasized that as she considers what she wants to do for her future — whatever it may be — she should remember that every single accomplishment on her CV holds a skill or experience that can get her on her way to whatever she dreams of doing. The trick, of course, is to figure out how to harness them. But the entire equation — work hard + be kind + be strategic — would take her wherever she wanted to go.
As I told her this, it dawned on me that I might now have taught her everything I currently know about how to live a life (and admittedly, I was well into adulthood before I figured most of this out). Maybe she’ll internalize this sooner than I did — I hope so. And obviously, her dad and I are always here to help her any way we can.
I can’t wait to see what her future holds.
